I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
