Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I need water and some morals
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
