dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
