I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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