in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
