K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
