I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
