Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
