You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
