Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
