god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
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