Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
