Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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