If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
