just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
