A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I need a burrito and a hug.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
