Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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