apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
