I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
