Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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