Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
