What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
