Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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