I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
