You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
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