I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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