1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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