I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
