So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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