I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Ketchup is God's man juice
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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