Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Randomize
