its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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