well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
