The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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