No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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