I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
