life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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