he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
