You work out of a Hotel?
Pants 0. Shit 1.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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