im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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