textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
