OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
