currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
