oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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