IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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