found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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