Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
