Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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