Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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