The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
A+ Viking dick
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
