I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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